God’s Cathedral::Chapter Two

I slowly walked home, dragging Austin all the way. He was like a heavy ball, maybe a bear trap would be more appropriate: it’s stuck on my foot and I’m trying to desperately shake it off  but the more I try the deeper the claws go. Maybe it’s time to give up. No. NO! I’ll get this trap off….somehow. Maybe.

I walk into the apartment and crash on my bed. The clock on the side table reads Two P.M. My stomach growls at me; a loud reminder that I have yet to eat, but I’m not interested in eating right now. How can I with this bloody trap on my foot? If I lay here long enough I just might sink into the mattress. Ten minutes go by and my stomach growls again. FINE! I get up and walk to the car. As I open the door a hard nasty slap of hot air. The black leather is hot, too hot. I hate Texas. I turn the car on and drive to Jason’s Deli, barely touching the steering wheel with my fingertips. I park, order, and sit down in a corner booth and start to people watch. Some sat in large groups; some sat in couples, deep in important conversation, others sat alone, a notebook laid open on the table. I should have brought a book. A sandwich appears in front of me, I thank the man and bow my head, but honestly, I’m not sure what to say. God….God….. Um, Our Father, who art in heaven…

“Sapphira!” I jerk my head up to the sound of an overly friendly voice I know too well. There stands Janna and Joshua. Gosh those two are inseparable. He loves her. She loves every other guy.

“Hey,” I squeak out.

“We saw you sitting here so we just sat down. I hope you don’t mind.” Janna spoke but the words didn’t really mean what they were meant to sound like. She really didn’t care if I minded.

“I hope we aren’t bothering you,” Joshua leans in.

“Oh…no. I’m glad to have some company.” I lie. At least it will be a distraction. “What’s up?”

“Well, we both moved back yesterday and have just been decorating and hanging out.” Janna explained.

“Oh cool.” I take a bite of sandwich and ask, mouth full, “Where are y’all staying?”

Janna frowns slightly at my faux pas but answers in her East Texas honey filled voice, “Both of us are at the Oxford Complex.”

“I’m there too.”

“Awesome.” Joshua reaches over and takes a fry. I hit him with the fry I am holding. He quickly grabs two and shoves them into his mouth. A big winning smile spreads over his face.

“We are going to Piano Bar tomorrow night. You’re coming right?” He manages. Janna frowns again but turns to me with a big smile. She approves my invitation.

“Um…I’m not sure if I–”

“Oh come on Sapphira. It’ll be so fun. We have a lot of other friends who will be with us. You haven’t met them so it will be a good chance to get out and meet people.” Janna folds her hands over the table and leans forward over them.

“Just call me with more details. I’ll see how I’m feeling tomorrow.” Luckily they don’t push me any further. We eat the rest of our meal talking about summer plans ruined by summer school and recalling the days of our wild freshman year. The year I met them. The year I met Austin. Much to my relief his name never comes up in the lunch time conversation. It’s hard not to ask his best friends how he is doing. But it will be embarrassing to bring it up.

Dark clouds form out of nowhere as they frequently do in east Texas. I run to my car and manage to get the door closed right before the toad choker starts.  Toad choker. I love Texas slang. I should use it more often. Large clear drops slam into my windshield and turn a mucky gray when they mix with the road dust and bug guts. I sit and watch the water roll down the window. I don’t want to go home, but I can’t think of anything else to do. My mind is blank for a while as I watch the gray ribbons. I start the car and drive back to my apartment.

***

Thomas isn’t in class today. I spend the majority of the period scanning the faces hoping to see his. I’m kind of glad he’s not here–no annoying questions, no cologne, no cute vintage preppy-slash-hippie-ness distracting me from my purpose. Why does he distract me? He’s not my type. He’s too….well, he’s. He’s too dark, too happy. Too confident by far. He probably has a big ego as well. Hm, he’d look good manning a large sail boat. His three-day scruff on his neck and chin, his dark wavy hair tossed about in the wind…

Stop it!

Class is over. Crap! I have nothing on my page aside from the date and half of what seems to be the word “gargoyle”. Great. I pack up my stuff and hurried from the class room. And within twenty minutes I am covered in bubbles, a book in hand, and a lean pocket perched on the edge of the bathtub. The steam from the hot water makes my book cover slick and the pages limp. I notice that a small thumb print remains on each page I read. Maybe I shouldn’t read in the bath. Books need to stay crisp; no crinkles or fox eared pages. The spine should not be cracked. I sigh realizing that my mom has left too strong of an impression on me.

Growing up everything had to be perfect. Mom was the “perfect lady”–beautiful, thin, perfectly groomed at all times. I was the opposite, disheveled, scattered, never giving into the horrific and endless pursuit for perfect. And yet, despite myself, I have let her personality spill into mine.

A Bach concerto screams from my phone and interrupts my frustrated walk into the past.

“Hello?”

“Hey sweetie,” Janna coos on the other end. “So we are leaving at ten-thirty sharp. You better be at my door or in the parking lot.”

“I don’t know Janna. I’m–”

“…sitting in your room feeling sorry for yourself?” she cuts in.

“I’m not!”

“If I know you, right now you are lying in a bath moping or something.”

“Fine. I’ll be there.” Dang it! I can’t be that transparent. I dump the phone next to me and slide down into the water, holding myself there for several moments before bringing my head back up and gasping for some air. It’s only four o’clock. What in the world am I going to do for six and a half hours?

When ten-twenty-five rolls around, I’m standing in my strapless bra and panties in the middle of a pile of clothes.  As usual, there’s nothing decent to go out in. I fling another silk tank top against the mirrored door of my closet. Everything is too big. Ok, so maybe losing some weight is a positive outcome of the break up. Now if only I actually went shopping…

I pick up the phone and call Janna. “I can’t go.”

“Yes you can,” she sighs, drawing out the word ‘can’.

“I really don’t have anything to wear.”

“Shut up. You have tons of clothes.”

“They don’t fit. I’ve lost too much weight.”

“Honey, there is no such thing…hmmm. Ok well I think we are probably the same size now so why don’t you come up here and we’ll get you something fabulous to wear.”

“I…” I’m out of excuses. “Ok. I’m coming.” I throw on jeans and a tee then stomp up to Janna’s room. The door is already slightly open so I push it just a bit and walk into the living room. Joshua and a couple of boys are drinking on the sofa.

“Where’s Janna?”

“In here!” I hear the high voice calling from the room. Joshua punctuates the call by pointing in the obvious direction. I nod and push past a guy standing in the door jam of Janna’s room. I slam the door behind me.

“Why didn’t you tell me there were already a ton of guys up here?”

“Don’t be so sensitive. Now let’s get you dressed.” She disappears into the closet and soon emerges with a short denim skirt, cotton halter, and gold stilettos. “You will look so hot in this.”

“I don’t think so. You are shorter than me! My butt will hang out!”

“No it won’t…God! You have to flaunt a little of it if you are going to get any attention.” Janna’s means of gaining attention is not the most self-respecting. “Now get dressed.”

I exchange my baggy jeans and tee for the short skirt and empire styled top. Oh great. They fit. I slip on the shoes. Too tight. I tell Janna this but she insists that they won’t bother me. Plus they look “way too perfect!” to be removed and thus ruin Janna’s creation.

Janna brushes some make up onto my eye lids and hands me the mascara stick. I dab some on. Frustrated at my conservationism she takes it and dabs quite a bit more on and my eyes water a bit. Then she grabs the sides of my face with one hand and pushes in to pucker my lips. A Chanel stick comes up and rubs red lipstick over my lips. And I’m done. Janna leans back and smiles upon her work, then stands and opens the door dramatically. Joshua starts to hoot–he does it a lot when he’s drunk. I peek my head around the corner. Gosh I feel ridiculous. And slutty. Janna and the five boys are staring at me. Stop being retarded. I step out. Joshua hoots louder and the other guys simply smile at me. I gain a few suggestive compliments as we walk out the door.

“We all look sexy tonight!” Janna practically yells. I can tell she’s probably regretting making me up. She’s so jealous sometimes. They march confidently through the apartment lobby and to the truck. I wobble behind them, pulling the skirt down as far as I can without pulling it off even though that wouldn’t make too much of a difference. Janna jumps around enjoying the attention Joshua and four of the other guys are giving her. The fifth guy turns around and notices my trouble.

“I’m Jonah.”

“Sapphira,” I grumble back as I tug at the hem once more.

“Where’d that name come from?” He’s walking next to me know.

“Uh, someone told me it’s from the Bible, but I don’t know why  my mom gave it to me.”

“That’s cool. My name is also from the Bible. In fact one of the books bears my name. I was a prophet, a scared prophet who disobeys God.”

I laugh slightly. Just my luck to get a Bible beater. “You really know your stuff.”

“Well just that.  I don’t really know anything else about the Bible….aside from what you learn in Sunday School as a kid.”

“I see. Do you go to church?”

“Sometimes. You know, when Saturday night hasn’t been too hard on me.” He laughs and jabs me with an elbow. “Do you go out often?”

“Not really. Janna and Joshua just wouldn’t take no for an answer tonight. I’m more of a dinner and move kind of girl.”

“Are you asking me out?”

“Um…” AWKWARD!! What is wrong with you, dude? How does that sound like a pick up line?

“I’m just teasing…” he pinches my arm lightly.

“Hurry UP!” Janna yells from a  huge truck. I pick up my pace. This is going to be a long night.

“Do we have room for everyone? Jonah asks. “If not, Sapphira can sit on my lap.”

“Oh that’s ok,” I say quickly. “I’ll just sit in the bed.”

“NO!” Janna squeals. “Two of the guys can be gentlemen and sit back there.”

Jonah hurries into the cab. Would that You have given me a Bible beater. Joshua pushes me into the cab and climbs in after me. Finally we are on our way. As we drive the few miles to the bar Jonah takes every opportunity and hard turn to squeeze closer to me. Finally he wraps his arm around the top of the seat and gives me a wink. I throw up a bit in my mouth. Or so I feel like doing.

The parking lot is full when we get to Piano Bar so we park a few blocks away and walk. My heels dig into me and I regret coming even more. The interior of the bar is even worse. It is almost too crowded to walk and I’m sure that at least a few codes are broken. The two bars, catty corner to each other, are crowded with people fighting over who gets to order next. A young guy sits at the piano pounding out pop songs while scantily clad girls dance near him with dollar bills and requests. Guys go to strip joints, girls go to piano bar.  There are people everywhere. Guys checking out girls, hoping for some action. Girls flirting with guys, hoping for a free drink…and some action. Football players in one corner nodding to people who yell out their names. Drunk people standing in line for more drinks. People trying to dance. Some succeeding. It is the typical college mating ritual. Once again I feel like vomiting. I watch as girls check each other out, sizing up the competition. Guys think that we girls dress for them, but in reality we dress for other girls and  no one wants to be out dressed. All in competition to be the hottie. I get a few dirty looks. Most likely for this slutty outfit. I kinda feel like crying and laughing at the same time. Maybe I’m going crazy.

As we push towards the bar, I see a short man grab Janna’s arm and ask her to go home with him. One of the guys wraps his arm around her and glares and the man. The smarm apologizes and moves away in search of a successful one-night-stand. Joshua, who towers over most of the people in the room, manages to grab the attention of a female bartender. He orders our drinks and tosses her a credit card. “Keep it open.” Soon I have a cheap whiskey and coke in my hand.

“Let’s move to the side. there are less people there and we can see the piano.” Janna takes charge as usual and starts pushing through the crowed. We are shocked to find a table with six chairs. And it has been cleaned off. That never happens. I manage to get a chair that faces the piano. I focus on the player and tune out Jonah who is siting next to me arm around my shoulder. He doesn’t seem to care that I am not listening. He just wants to regurgitate stories. I raise an eyebrow or smile at what seems the punch line. But mainly I am watching the stage as different people jump up onto the platform to put money in the jar and yell out a song to play. Without fail the pianist manages to play every country, rap, and punk rock song he hears. Even a few Eighties classics come along. When I finally turn back to the table, I notice that Joshua was gone. And maybe another guy or two. I can’t keep track. Jonah has four empty beer cans in front of him. A few shot glasses are scattered near by. He has one in his hand. I just hope they aren’t all his. Janna is making out with the driver. Disgusting. I stand and move towards the bathroom.

“Hey, do you know what state we are in?” some guy asks me as I near the back of the bar. His voice is slurred.

“Excuse me?” I yell over the music.

“My friends and I have been traveling all over this great…nation. We forgot what …state…what state we are in tonight!”

“Texas,” I inform them than move towards the bathroom.

“Texas! I love Texas girls. Everything;s bigger in Texas, eh sexy?” The drunk eyes my chest as he grabs my arm and pulls me towards him. His friends all laugh. I panic slightly but yell at him to let me go. My struggling only seems to encourage him. He’s too strong and I start to  look around for help when I hear Jonah’s garbled voice yell, “Let go…of her!” I duck just in time to miss the flying fist that lands square on the drunk’s mouth. Another quick fist lays him out on the floor. The friends turn towards Jonah and a fight breaks out. Soon others are involved out of shear drunken excitement mixed with the desire to feel macho. I scream as I try to back up but it seems the whole bar is moving towards me trying to see the melee. Someone grabs my wrist and pulls on me. I try to shake it but I’m tired and frustrated.

“Sapphira, it’s me–Thomas!” I stop and stare at him a couple of seconds before pulling it together.

“From class!”

“Yeah, follow me. I’ll help you outta here.” I know somewhere in my brain is a warning about following strange men, but panic tells me to just let him lead me away from the bar. I probably won’t be able to get out myself as everyone is pushing towards the fight.

“Thank you… so much!” I sigh once we are out the door and standing in the parking lot.

“No problem. I saw you just as your boyfriend laid out that guy. I figured that you’d want to get out of there as soon as you could.”

“He’s not…my boyfriend…” I try to regain control of my breathing. I’m still kind of woozy from the adrenalin rush.

“Oh.” Thomas smiles slightly.

“I just met him tonight. I got talked into coming by some old friends. I hate going out. I never do this.”

“Do you need help finding your friends?”

“I doubt they know I’m gone. They’re pretty drunk.”

“Ah..” We get awkwardly silent for a few moments, then Thomas says, “Abe Lincoln.”

“Excuse me?”

“Abe Lincoln. Supposedly, whenever there is a lull in conversation everyone thinks of Abe Lincoln.” He grins exposing nearly perfect teeth. I look at him oddly and his grins wavers a bit. I feel it rising up in me then all of the sudden I just start laughing. Giggling uncontrollably.

“It really wasn’t that funny,” he laughs a bit.

“I know. I know!” I manage to get out in between giggles. I am laughing so hard I can’t breath and I have to sit down. At that point I realize that emotions are making me go berserk. I feel like crying again. But I keep laughing.

“You’re are going to half to let me in on the joke.” He sits down next to me.

“It’s just so…ridiculous!…This whole thing….is stupid….” I keep laughing.

“This bar or the Abe Lincoln thing?”

“The bar!” more uncontrollable fits of laughter. I can’t believe this guy isn’t running for the hills. He probably thinks I’m nutty. “How is this fun?”

“I’m not really sure…” His voice is all seriousness.

“So what happened to you,” I ask. He turns towards me. “I mean in class. You didn’t come back.”

“Oh. I am not registered for classes. I just wanted to check it out. Um…I studied some architecture in college and I was thinking about sitting in on a class, but I’m really too busy right now.”

“I see.” I’m sure he just feels awkward about my strange behavior and is avoiding me at all costs. He probably just wants to find another class. One that I am not in. He just too nice to say that.

“Sapphira!” Janna’s voice calls out.

“I’m here,” I turn towards the door and see her running towards me. They boys are carrying Jonah.

“We need to go before the cops get here!”

I turn back to Thomas. “I’m sorry but I…”

“Maybe I’ll see ya in class if I have a free day.” He holds out his hand to help me stand. I take the offered help. Once up, I don’t drop the hand. Nor does he. OH NO! Uh…I start shaking it a bit and thank him for helping me out of the bar.

“My pleasure. Beautiful.” We drop hands. Did he just tell me I am beautiful?  No it’s a reference to my name. He’s just being nice. Or weird. I don’t know which. I’m probably just making a big deal out of nothing. But he’s smiling at me. A big goofy smile. I smile back and say bye and hurry away.

At the truck the guys put Jonah in the bed. I peek in to see the damage. A little blood above the eye and on his lip. Pretty lucky for a bar fight. Especially one he started. I climb into the cab with the rest of the gang. I’m honestly relieved that Jonah isn’t in there with us.

“So what happened?” Janna turns to face me from the front passenger seat.

“Oh, I don’t really know him.” I say a little too quickly. I just don’t feel like explaining Thomas to anyone.

“Jonah? Of course you don’t really know him; you just met him. I mean, what started the fight?”

“Oh that…” I lean back in the cushy seat. “This guy just grabbed me and wouldn’t let go. I guess Jonah was following me because before I knew it punches were thrown.”

“Hmmm…” Janna eyed me suspiciously. She could never conceal her jealousy very well.

“Who was the other guy?”

“What guy?” Crap. My voice just wobbled a bit.

“Your knight in shining armor,” she rolls her eyes. More jealousy. She’s just mad I got fought over tonight and she didn’t.

“Oh, no one. I just met him in class a few days ago. I guess he saw me and came over to help. I”m glad he did. I might be lying back there with Jonah had Thomas not intervened.”

“So his name is Thomas.”

“Yeah,” I try to act nonchalant. Who knows if it’s working. I’m terrible at acting.

“He’s not very cute.” There’s that jealousy trying to trash anything I’m involved in. She gives me a weird look. Kind of scrunches up her nose as if Thomas’ smell offended her as well.

“I didn’t really notice.” I try to brush it off. The last thing I need right now is for Janna to go tell Austin I have a new love interest. Or maybe I do need that…

“I’m sure you did.”

“Not really. I’m not exactly checking out other guys.” I dig into my purse hoping to end the conversation. No such luck.  Joshua decides to jump in.

“What do you mean? Single girls are always on the prowl.”

“Not this one. I still lo–” Crap. I almost said it. “I’m just not interested in having a boyfriend right now. I just want to forget about all that drama for the time being.”

“There’s no such thing as forgetting about boys.” Janna smiles and starts to rub the driver’s shoulder. Joshua glares at her slightly then diverts his attention back to me. Great.

“Are you still hanging on to Austin?”

“No…not really.” I lie. “I’m just not ready to tie myself down.”

“You don’t have to tie yourself down. Just have flings until you are ready for a real relationship.” Janna smiles. It’s kind of a sick smile. It makes me mad.

“Just because you can make out with anything male, doesn’t mean that I can!” The truck gets really quiet. OH CRAP! Did I just let that out? Ok so maybe I’ve been wanting to say that forever but I never thought I’d actually say it to her…at least not to her face. As I see her face get red and a bit twisted I wish that I can grab all those sound waves and force them back into my mouth. Instead I just look around. Joshua is staring at me with a look of shock and admiration. Janna removes her hand from the driver’s should and turns to face the front of the vehicle. Luckily we are pulling into the apartment parking lot. I wait for Janna’s head to burst into flames and consume me in an act of revenge. Instead, she just jumps out of the truck and calmly walks away. The driver withers me with a look and leaves as well.

“I can’t believe you said that!” Joshua helps me out and hits the lock button. “That was awesome!”

“What was awesome?” Asks the guy sitting with Jonah. Joshua relates my verbal vomit to the guys in the flat bed. Jonah laughs lightly then cringes at the pain it causes.

Even as the guys laugh over the remark,  I feel horrible. The urge to run after Janna and apologize rises up in side of me, making my stomach feel tight. But what would I say? I mean, Janna has kissed more guys than I’ve even known in my lifetime. How does one apologize for the telling the truth? Sure my tact was off but I can’t walk up to her and say, “Sorry that you are a slut.” Nope, not too tactful, obviously my current issue. “Sorry for saying what everyone else was thinking?” No, that doesn’t work either. I could run up to her crying and yell most sincerely, “I DIDN’T MEAN IT!” But that would not be the truth. Maybe we can all just ignore it for a while and eventually it will go away. We can act like nothing happened. That’s worked for people before.

I jump from the truck and walk as fast as the pinching high heels will allow. THE HEELS! I am wearing Janna’s clothes. Now I have to see her. CRAP…or wait, maybe Joshua can give them back to her. I’ll wash them, fold them very nicely, and send them back with him.

“Sapphira!” I hear Joshua call from behind me. I turn to face him. He’s running fast towards me; the other guys are slowly trudging behindcarrying the wounded Jonah. I wait for Joshua to catch up to me.

“Are you going back to your room?” he asks.

“Yeah, I have to get out of these clothes, wash them, and get them back to her. Could you give them to her for me? I don’t think she will want to see me for a while.”

“She’ll get over it.” We turn towards the building and proceed to the door.

“I don’t know. Even if it’s true, I was pretty mean.” Suddenly, I realize that I’m not as afraid of losing Janna as a friend, but more so of her reputation. “She usually gets revenge…do you think she’ll try to do anything to me?”

“I doubt it. I’ll talk to her. Plus she’s a bit drunk so I betcha she’ll have forgotten everything by tomorrow. She’ll be more concerned with her headache than what you said to her.”

“I hope so, but I doubt it. UH! I wish I could just go talk to her.” I worry that she’ll bring Austin into this. I picture her telling him about Thomas and bring up some story about how I have a new boyfriend.

“I doubt she’ll open the door to you right now. Just chill for a bit. It’ll all smooth over.”

“This sucks.” I open the door to my apartment.  A random guy is passed out on the couch. No doubt a victim of my roommates party lifestyle.  “Thanks Joshua.”

“I don’t know what for but you’re welcome.” He hugs me and rushes off to his own place. I grab a white tea from the fridge and lock myself into my room. At times I worry about the random drunk guys mistaking my door for Britney’s and trying to come into my room. I switch on the TV to the late night news and pick up the clothes scattered around my room. I paused to take a sip of the tea and notice thenauseating smell of stale smoke. I pull my hair towards my nose and find the smell trapped in the teased curls. A shower will wipe away any evidence of this evening from my body if not my memory.