God’s Cathedral :: Chapter Three

Nine AM on Sunday finally arrives and I realize that the end of my week is marked only by disappointment. Janna is not talking to me. In fact she seems to have disappeared. Joshua informed me that she left Friday afternoon for some family event. Thomas didn’t show up for class again. Austin bothered my thoughts no matter where I was or what I did. Jonah called me daily, but I only answered twice and both times pretended to not speak English. A feeble attempt as he left messages saying he knew this was my phone. Maybe I should change my voicemail greeting. No, just avoid him. Just avoid everyone.

The weekend was spent ignoring everything. I sat in bed and watched a Cary Grant marathon on the classic movie channel, ordering take out for almost every meal.  I have not left the apartment since Friday after returning from class. A niggling thought that I might be depressed crosses my mind, but I brush it away reinforcing my new strategy of ignorance. Even if I have slept and lounged away the weekend at least I am up for church – my unbreakable habit.

I take extra care to get dressed, my efforts to please God. A weekend of sleep has erased the dark circles under my eyes and refreshed my skin – an accidental result of hiding from the world. Make up perfectly applied, I smooth down my well pressed cotton dress and brush my hair one last time. Mom would be proud.

It takes less than ten minutes to get to church, but I’m late. The small parking lot is full. I park and rush in, taking my spot in the usual pew. Normally I arrive in time to chat with a few of the other members, but today I sit down, smile at the people nearby and turn to the alter just in time to see Pastor Lawson walk out in his white vestments.

“Welcome to Christ Our Savior! Before we get started with the service I want to take a moment to introduce the new vicar who will be serving us for the next year. Vicar, will you please come to the alter?” I stare as Thomas walks up. My cheeks flush in shock. How did I miss him? He was sitting only a few pews in front of me! He stands and faces the congregation, which he quickly scans. His eyebrows raise slightly as he locks eyes with me. He smiles faintly.

“I would like to introduce you to Thomas Lawson. He is our new vicar and just happens to be my nephew. Thomas will be helping out around here for a while and since he’s new to the area I expect you guys to show him around. Texas is quite a bit different than Wisconsin.” Pastor’s gaze rests on me for a moment. My stomach tightens up a bit. Thomas sits down. I spend the majority of the service trying extra hard to pay attention to the liturgy but my eyes keep drifting to the mass of dark hair a few yards in front of me.

Suddenly, a wave of questions flood my mind. What was he doing in the bar…and why did he have to be cute? Aren’t pastors supposed to be all angry, hell and damnation types? I manage to drag my mind back to the hymn and refuse to look anywhere but at Pastor for the rest of the service.

I must have focused too hard because I’m surprised when the last hymn is over. I grip my purse as Pastor makes  a few announcements. Should I get out of here quickly or wait to talk to Thomas in the Narthex? Maybe I should just talk to a few people then leave…that wouldn’t seem so obvious. I wring my hands together as Pastor moves down the isle greet people and dismissing them from the sanctuary. I think to get up and dismiss myself but as soon as I make a move I notice Pastor standing at the end of my pew.

“I am glad to see you here, Sapphira,” he says quietly as he shakes my hand. “You are the closest to Tom’s age and he’ll need a friend to show him around. You won’t mind doing that right?”

“Not at all,” I manage to choke out. Now I’m really trapped.

“Oh, and you seemed a little distracted during announcements. Make sure you stay for the reception in the fellowship hall.” I smile then file down the aisle and wait in the fellowship hall to busy myself with helping Mrs. Lawson set out cookies.  Thomas arrives in the room and so I feign the need to get more cups and quickly move into the kitchen. I open all the cabinets in an effort to stall. Oh gosh this is so stupid. I should just face him. What is my problem! I step back into the fellowship hall, but I realize I don’t have any cups in hand. Turning towards the room I notice that he isn’t anywhere in the room…nor are any men.

“They went to look at Thomas’ vehicle.”

“Pardon?” I ask the older woman, whose name I can never remember.

“Thomas has some fancy car and all the men are gaga over it. “

“I see…” All the women are staring at me. Twenty sets of wrinkly eyes twinkling with delight.

“He’s very good looking.” Ruthie whispers. She always whispers.

“And so nice!” Exclaims another. Great. All I need is to be the new Ladies Circle project.

“I didn’t notice.” I lie quickly and try to return for the cups that we really don’t need.

“HA! I’m sure you didn’t!” I can hear the smiles in their giggly, if slightly wobbly voices.

“I really didn’t –” my protest falls short as I realize that I am not going to convince them. They have their minds made up and they can already see the decorations in the sanctuary. “I really need to get going. I have homework. Y’all have a good week, see you next Sunday.”

“The Ladies Circle is having a party for Thomas on Wednesday night. You are more than welcome to come, but I understand if you are busy.” Mrs. Lawson gives me a knowing look.

“Thank you. If I am free, I’ll be there.” I smile and leave. Before walking out into the parking lot I peek out the front doors. A herd of men are poking around a BMW SUV. Hm, I wonder if I can get away without being noticed. I mean they are so very excited about that car. Thomas must be in the car as I don’t see him with –

“Hey.” I twirl around so fast I lose my balance and Thomas catches me.  He laughs, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you!”

I quickly right myself, annoyed by the flush I feel on my cheeks. “It’s ok, I just thought you were out there so when I heard your voice behind me it just shocked me.”

“Oh, I was in the office.” Awkward pause. I shift my eyes to look behind him a bit. “I don’t care too much for the SUV. It’s my dads. He just thought I might need a bigger vehicle for Texas. You know a truck or something, but we don’t own a truck. Honestly, I feel really weird about that car, you know a congregation doesn’t really want to see their spiritual leader in luxury vehicle. It might raise questions.”

He was speaking fairly quickly. The car seemed to make him nervous.

“I don’t think anyone really cares.” I try to shrug it off. I don’t care about it; I’m much more interested in what he was doing at the bar. But before I can ask, he blurts out a sentence as if reading my mind.

“I guess I’m your shining knight.” I look at him somewhat thrown off by the cheesy comment. He wrinkles up his nose and smiles awkwardly as if he regrets the line.

“Ha, ah, yeah I guess so,” I can’t help but smile. I tilt my head to the floor hoping he doesn’t see it and think I am making fun of him.

“I didn’t know that the Piano Bar was that way…”

“You don’t have to explain your actions to me. I was there too.” I laugh as I remember my attire. I looked like a street walker.

“Yes, I do. I’m about to be your vicar.” His voice was very serious. “I didn’t realize it would be such a scene. I really hate bars like that. I thought it would be low key. I had just arrived when I saw you. I was walking up to say hi when that fight broke out. I had kind of hoped to be the one to deck that guy but your friend got him before I did.”

“Good thing. If you are worried about cars and bars shouldn’t you worry about getting in fights and going to jail?”

“I guess you’re right about that.” He laughs nervously.

“I usually don’t dress like that. I never do things like that. I don’t know why I was there except for the companionship. They are old friends, friends from a past life that doesn’t really exist anymore. I was also kind of a fashion project.” I talk quickly, nervously, without a pause.

“Really, Sapphira, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He tilts his head to the side and looks at me with those serious dark eyes.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this. I’m just a bit shocked to find you here. First, you were just a kid in my class who disappeared, then you pretty much rescued me from a possible beating, now you are the new vicar.”

“I’ll admit that I knew you’d be here. After I met you in class I asked my uncle if he knew you. He said you’d been a member here for a few years. I guess you could say I’m a little bit more than happy to have someone around my age in the congregation.

“There are a few more college students, but I’m the only one here for the summer.”

“That’s what Uncle Tom said. Sorry, I should call him Pastor around here.”

“I don’t care. Call him what you want.” I notice a few lined faces peering around the corner. “Um I really need to get going. I have to read for class.”

“I’ll see you next Sunday.” I shake his hand, which seems forced and odd at our age. As I drive home I wonder why I felt like justifying myself to him. What did it matter what he thinks? I barely believe in God anyway so what should I care much about the vicar? Why? Because two hours ago he wasn’t the vicar and he was a constant in my mind. I feel almost betrayed by this change. Did I want to know so I could act like I cared about spiritual matters? Would I have peppered my speech with the right Christian words? You would just be a fake. It doesn’t matter anyway.