God’s Cathedral::Chapter Seven (Thomas VP)

In a moment of sympathy, I forget myself and wrap an arm around Sapphira’s shoulders. She tenses up but relaxes, and then much to my surprise, turns into my should to cry. My mind races with thoughts but none of them can be repeated to her. I’m afraid of them myself. Always in control, I have never let my emotions get mixed up too much with my reason. As daydreams of my fist meeting Austin’s face burst through my mind I remind myself that he is just as lost as Sapphira. Granted, she’s at least trying. It seems that Austin is out to have his way, no matter who gets hurt. Part of me is annoyed that she’s facing this trial so soon after what seems like an achievement on the faith front. But I remember again that she has had this trial for years and it is not something God will solve for her in a day.

“Sapphira…” I feel that my awkward silence is not any comfort. I open my mouth to form something, anything verbal, sending up a prayer that God would guide my tongue. The door creaks and I stop to turn and look. There stands Uncle Tom and Austin, both sporting a look of intense frustration. In away they are annoyed for the same reason, just the motivation is different. Tom’s intentions may be pure — he hopes to keep me from getting emotionally involved with a girl who doesn’t need any more drama and I don’t need to get distracted from my purpose. Austin’s intentions are pure evil where I am concerned. His face is lined with fury.

“Thomas, we are still waiting for you in the fellowship hall.” Uncle Tom manages, his annoyance thinly veiled.

“Right, sorry.” I stand apologizing to Sapphira for leaving her, then Tom for disappointing him. I turn back to Sapphira. She is looking towards the parking lot and away from all of us.

“Y’all go have fun,” she doesn’t turn to address us. “I am just gonna sit here for a bit. Enjoy the sun.”

Part of me feels the need to stay, but my obligation to the congregation tugs my conscience as Tom tugs my sleeve. I follow him into the Narthex; as the door shuts I notice that Austin stays with her. Don’t go.

“What’s wrong, babe?” I hear Austin’s muffled voice through the thin doors as he sits down on the bench. He wraps an arm around her, she shrugs it off. He tries again, this time gripping her shoulder a bit hard in my opinion. I turn and notice Tom watching too. A few older ladies peek out from around the corner and then join us at the window. I turn back, she is wiggling just a bit under his pressure, I reach for the door, but Tom stops me.

“Don’t. Wait. This isn’t your battle.”

I inhale sharply. It is my battle. I’m already emotionally involved whether I like it or not. Sapphira’s a mess but I can’t shake the attraction to her. She doesn’t fit the mold in any way, and yet, for some reason she sticks in my mind, distracting me from my sermon preparations and ruining my focus when calling on members.

She suddenly stands and starts walking briskly.

“Sapphira!” Austin yells at her as he gets up to follow. Much to my surprise she stops and turns to him. They talk but I cannot hear anything.

“What, Austin!” Sapphira finally yells. “What is it that you want from me.” She faces him, arms crossed. Even from the distance we can see the fire, Austin sees it too. He stammers, whatever he says we cannot hear it inside. I am fighting the urge to crack open the door.

“I thought you had enough of me a year ago.” She yells.

“I said that i thought we should get back together later.” He yells in return.

“So by dating Janna you actually are trying to say that you want me back? That makes soooooo much sense.” Her voice is loud and the intensity matches her eyes. It’s that intensity that I like.

“I didn’t know that you were here.” He pleads with her.

“Oh, so that makes it ok?

“No!” He starts to back away a bit. She steps towards him.

“You did know I was here. You can’t lie to me anymore. You forget that I dated you and I know you well enough to know your tricks. You HURT me, Austin!” She speaks rapidly. “I am not just going to roll over and allow you back into my life, especially when I see you making out with another friend! I don’t want you back, I want you gone. I want you out of my life. I want to be rid of you and our relationship. I don’t want friendship, I don’t want to see you. I want to move on!”

“You just want to date Thomas!” He yells and grabs her arm. Now it’s my battle. I reach for the door. I hear Uncle Tom call my name, but at this point I’ve made my decision. I cannot watch him beat her up emotionally.

“Don’t you ever touch me like that!” I hear her at full volume now that I have the door open. At the sound of her saying my name I stop, “I just met Thomas. And as for dating anyone that is out of the question until I can figure out where I am with my faith. I just starting getting my heart untangled and my mind refocused. I don’t want to be screwed with again. I was on my way to forgiving you, then you showed up, pulled your stunt, and blew all of my progress out of line. I thought I was about to get back to normal.”

“I’m here now — we can return to normal.” Austin’s tone was insulting even to me. Luckily it was for Sapphira as well.

“No, Austin..I want to be normal alone, without you. The way I was before I met you. You messed with me way too much. You crushed my self-esteem and hurt me. You made me think I was nearly worthless unless you wanted me and that without you no one else would want me. You convinced me that I was actually LUCKY to have you! Imagine that! Lucky…lucky to have a boyfriend who treated me like trash, but that’s ok. He’s the big man in the fraternity. Well guess what I don’t believe that any more!”

I feel something wet slide down my face. Despite the earlier sunny skies, a thunderstorm has rolled in. A flash of lightning bolts through the air and the rain lets loose. I duck back up against the door to get under the eve, reading myself for Sapphira to come walking back to the building. She does not. She does not move a muscle. Her hair is soon plastered down the side of her face and draping over her shoulders. She doesn’t’ seem to care. Or maybe she doesn’t notice. She just continues to light into Austin.

“I am loved by God. That is all I need to know. I might not believe it completely right at this moment but I am not about to lose the ground I’ve gained in the past few days.”

Austin tries to speak but Sapphira will not let him. He wipes his forehead and looks up then arches his hand over his brow in a sad attempt to protect himself from the downpour.

“You know what? I burned all your letters, removed all the photos. I hid the stuff so that I could get you out of my life. I wanted to hang on to some of the things you gave me but I wouldn’t let myself. I am tired of allowing you in my life. I am tired of you, and just like your stuff, I am ready to throw you out of my life!”

I cannot fully see Austin’s face when Sapphira says these last words, but even if I had I would not have had time to stop him from backhanding her on the cheek. She staggers slightly. Fury wells up inside of me and I take off full speed towards them. Austin grabs her arm and kisses her roughly, but not for long. I grab his shoulders and pull him back from her. She slips again as Austin was holding her up. I want to catch her but instead, much to my own amazement, I feel my knuckles make contact with Austin’s face and see him fall to the ground. My head is clouded, I cannot read my own thoughts as I reach for Sapphira and pull her up. She blinks hard a few times, then her eyes become wide. Once she seems steady I turn to Austin.

“If you ever touch her again I will beat the crap out of you! DO YOU HEAR ME!” I scream at him. He slides his forearm across the bottom of his nose, which is bleeding. The hatred in my voice seems natural, and yet, I have never been so full of anger and violence in my life. I have never hit a single person ever.

“Yes,” Austin growls at me. Suddenly a slight tinge or remorse comes over me and I reach out a hand to pull him back up. When I see him standing I feel the urge to hit him a second time. My fist forms in spite of me. Uncle Tom lays his hands on Austin’s shoulders and pulls him back towards the building where all the party attendees are peeking wide-eyed through the windows. I turn back to Sapphira.

“Are you ok?” thunder rips through the sky again.

“I think so.” Sapphira touches the back of her hand to her cheek. Her once pale cheek is red and patched with broken blood vessels. “This is the second time this week that you have had to save me.”

“I should have pulled him away before he had a chance to hit you.”

“I’m not sure you should have hit him like that. You’re a church leader.” Sapphira’s words bring me suddenly back to reality. The tinge of remorse clouds my brain, until I remember that he hit her first.

“He shouldn’t have hit you. I think I am justified in my reaction.” I smiled at her, hoping she didn’t feel guilty for anything. She returns the smile. Then I feel her hand reach up and wipe back a few strands of hair hanging over my eyes. As she slides it down the side of my face, I press her hand against my cheek for just a moment. I feel the heat in my own face and see her eyebrows furrow slightly. I remember myself and where I am.

“Sapphira…” I pull her hand down and reluctantly let go of it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have down that. You are a member of my congregation and I…”

“There is nothing to forgive, Thomas.” She smiles, but her eyes are sad. “All I can say is thank you. In the few moments I have spent with you I have realized I deserve better than Austin. I have a long way to go, but in a few encounters you have pointed me towards a Better Love. I may not fully understand it yet, but I want to.

Her calm and oddly wise words do not put me at ease. I cannot tell if she really means them or if she is saying it to make me feel better. It seems too different from her frantic, over analyzed frustration from a few days ago. People do not change that quickly. She could be trying to put me at ease.

“We better get out of the rain.” As I walk her back to her car I notice her dress.  The back of it is black from falling on the wet asphalt. “You’re dress.”

She turns her head around and pulls the skirt forward a bit to inspect the damage. “It’s ok.”

I try to open the car door for her, but she stops me. “I am Austin’s ride. I should wait on him.”

Amazement washes over me as she calming declares her intentions to drive him home just after she chews him out. Just moments ago she wanted him out of her life for good. Now she’s willing to drive him home.

“Don’t worry about it. I think Tom is going to talk to him for a bit. I’ll take him home later. After slapping you I promise I won’t let him anywhere near you.”

“Than you gain for helping out, Thomas.” She smiles weakly.

“No worries. If you need anything at all, just call me, especially if Austin comes anywhere near you again. I’m serious.” I frown and stare her straight in the face hoping to get the message across.

“You will be the first to know.” She opens the car door and slides into the driver’s seat. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.” I shut the door and watch her drive away. I feel hopeful but confused by her sudden calm. I wait until she’s out of view before turning back towards the building. I am dreading the unwelcomed questions I am about to have to answer. Everyone saw what happened. The moment they heard the elevated voices they ran into the Narthex and watched it all go down. I especially do not want to face my uncle who will surely reinforce his opinion of my obviously growing feelings for this girl.

I apologize to the members who have all returned to the fellowship hall. It turns out everyone has just as bad of an opinion about Austin as Tom and me. I am relieved that I am not asked anything or given any “talks”. Some of the women scour at Austin’s name as they whisper it while walking out of the room. A few of the older men wink at me or give me an approving pat on the shoulder. I hate to admit it, but their approval releases my worry just a bit. I wonder what God thinks.

Once the last person is out the door, I hesitantly approach my uncle’s office. It is silent and through the small window I can see the two men staring at each other. While I dread my uncle’s oncoming lecture, I fear more that I will try to hit Austin a second time. I take a deep breath and join them. Austin has an ice pack mashed up against his face. He takes turns staring at the ground and then back at Tom. Then me. I notice the crusted blood on his chin and lower lip. For a moment I feel the tinge of remorse. I almost feel sorry for him. I’ve been hit before, hit hard. I never thought I’d do it, but Austin needed to get the point. He glares at me for a moment then suddenly straightens up and yells at me. The remorse disappears almost as soon as it had arrived.

“You broke my nose you bast—!” He yells. With the ice pack pulled away from his face to talk I am able to see the damage. His nose is still in place, but swollen. a dark bruise is already forming around his left eye.

“I’m sorry Austin. I have never hit anyone before…but you were way out of line.” I say it as calmly as possible and take a seat opposite him. I lean forward and whisper, “You never…NEVER…hit a woman. You could have broken her nose or cheek or something!”

“I could sue you for this!”

“Yes, and I can report you to the police for abuse and sexual harassment.”

Austin glares hard at me then replaces the ice pack. He knows he’s stuck. He spits out an explicative.

“Watch your language,” Uncle Tom says simply. I turn to him unsure of the next step, not wanting to infringe on the pastor’s plan, but I can tell that he is more than happy to allow me to handle it. I’m not sure if I really can. I mean, I know how I want to handle it. My sinful self wants to pulverize the kid, but the Christian in me what’s to extend forgiveness and help him out.

“I don’t know you Austin,” I start, a prayer for strength and compassion working along in my mind, “but I am getting to know Sapphira. She’s really a special girl and not some one you should be manipulating. No woman needs that. I can’t do anything but protect Sapphira as a church member –”

“You just want at her.” He growls at me. The jealousy flares in his nostrils and his eye form into small half moons.

“Austin, you can sling trash and curse words all you want, but you are not helping yourself at all. You can act tough and hard, but in reality you aren’t. A real man doesn’t prey on girls. That’s for cowards. Do I need to remind you that I knocked you out with one blow and I’m not even that big of a guy? If you don’t watch your mouth one day you are going to piss of the wrong person and end up dead.”

Austin sighs and presses the pack harder into his face. I cannot tell if we are getting through to him or if he is just putting up more barriers.

“We don’t like having to do this, but it is necessary.” Uncle Tom pipes in. “We like for all of our members to be on good terms with each other. Now you are going to have to apologize to Sapphira next Sunday after church. I’m not going to be so old-fashioned as to make you do it in front of the congregation, though I should since you ruined their party, but I want you to do it in front of me.”

Austin still says nothing. At this point I am not sure what to tell him.

“If you refuse to correct your sin, we will have to deal with this in a way that involves police and I doubt you want that to happen.” Uncle Tom stares at the kid for a few moments.

“Fine, I’ll apologize.”

“Great!” Tom slaps his hands together. “Now do you want Thomas to take you home?”

“No, I’ll call Janna.” Austin stands are marches away from the room. He waits on the bench just outside the entry for about ten minutes. A white Beemer picks him up and tears out of the parking lot. Tom and I say nothing to each other while we wait for Austin to be taken care of. As soon as the car is gone, I feel the air get heavy and I know that it’s my turn to get the talk. I stand up and reseat myself in the chair that Austin occupied just minutes ago.

“Do I even need to say it?”

“Say what you want to say. It’ll be better for the both of us if you get it out.”

“I warned you, Chris.” Tom says almost apathetically, as if he really doesn’t care to go forward with the conversation but knows he needs to. “She’s not on solid ground and neither are any of the people that surround her. You would be wise to check your feelings. She’s not ready for a relationship, even a healthy one, and you should not be ‘yoked with an unbeliever’.”

“She’s a believer…kinda.” I protest, weakly. Tom clears his throat. “Ok, I get it. But you have to admit that you would have hit him if you had been the one closer to him.”

“I sure wanted to. At least you can blame your haste on youth.”

“Oh, I don’t think anyone from the congregation will blame me. They were all waiting for someone to put him in his place.”

“That may be true, but we are here to glorify God. Hitting people isn’t the way to do that. You could have pulled him from her and just separated them.”

“True, but he might have fought me anyway. Getting him down was the best way to insure his cooperation.” My excuses sounded lame, even to my own ears. Tom and I both knew my behavior was really based on my emotions and my feelings for Sapphira..what ever they are.

“I doubt I will convince you that you were wrong in your actions, but you must promise to never do it again! you can’t just punch sinful members of the church no matter how terrible their crimes.”

“I know! I know!” I was acting like a child. “I promise I will keep my feelings inline. I admit I let my temper get in the way of my head today.”

“Do you think I should take over with her from now on or do you think you can handle it?”

“If things escalate I’ll let you take over, but for now I think I can do it.” I lie. It’s a sin, but  I can’t help it. I think Tom knows I’m lying. His facial expression betrays his skepticism.  I don’t want to compromise Sapphira but something in me was not ready to let her slip away in any form. I have no idea where any of this is going. It scares me a bit. I am always so in control of myself, but I also realize I need the experience. I also realize I just want to be near her.

“Just remember to keep a professional distance. Don’t let the intimacy created by helping her in this way could your judgment. I guess you’ll have to learn how to handle these types of meetings one way or another. Just promise me you will use good judgments with this. It isn’t smart to get romantically involved with members. It can create very volatile situations.”

“Right.” I have no idea why Uncle Tom is letting me go so easy on this.

“Just to be safe, could you describe to me your feelings for her?”

“Well,” I pause, not sure how to answer. I decide that I have lied enough today. “I’m not too sure myself.”